Thursday, May 2, 2019

Memories and Nostalgia

happy memories
Can you trust your good, happy memories?  
For circuitous reasons I did a little digging over the weekend and ended up going 10-15 years into my past.  And it's surfaced a lot of good memories from people I knew and things I was involved in back then. 

Last night one specific memory came back of a friend walking home with me after an event at the parish.  He lived closer than me, and ducked through a neighbor's yard to get to his house.  It must have been winter or fall because it was early evening but dark out.  The deacon, a bright and energetic guy, had been at the event.  I'd been surprised this friend had wanted to walk home with me.  

This same friend and I had gone garage-saleing earlier in the year.  I was wearing a pink skort, and had just eaten an ice cream cone when I met him on the lawn near the church.  The neighborhood had a wonderful blend of trees, nice houses, green lawns and cafes and restaurants.  He and I saw Bruce Lee's grave and got drinks at a coffee shop. 

In so many of my memories of this time it's a sunny spring day. 

And these memories make me want to return to the neighborhood and the community.  But am I really only wanting to return to a construct of my memory?  These collective positive memories were interspersed by periods of loneliness and difficulty—I'd never return to scene after scene of warm, sunny days, ice cream cones and Saturday afternoons. 

And I know that what I'm wanting is to go back to my 20s, too.  Being on the cusp of adulthood when so much was discovery and felt novel and new.  I was learning how I wanted to spend my time (wandering, mostly--coffee shops and walks and shopping) and how to meet people.  Finding the restaurants and cafes I liked, learning how to budget, where to buy clothes.  Figuring out who I was, really.   

But of course I cannot recreate that.  That guy---we dated, it didn't work out, we don't have any communication, and he's married now.  I certainly couldn't return to us having long Saturday afternoons together.  And so many of my elderly friends from that community have passed away.  It's simply not there anymore.  And being adult; that's obviosly worn and stale. 

It's funny that this period has surfaced so vividly, though.  And that these memories are mostly warm, cozy and positive.

Do you think you can you go back to a time in your life, or is it a closed book?  And do you think you can trust memory?  Is it accurate, or more selective? 

5 comments

  1. Oh man, don't we love those throw back moments? I like that you had a vivid memory of that day. There are some times when we want to go visit a place that gave us a fond memory. I can imagine my life from the past but kind of prefer to live in the present, hehe. Thanks for sharing this story!

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

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    1. Thanks, Nancy. Yes it was really nice, but also strange how these memories came back to me so vividly. There's a lot to be said for living in the present, for sure. That's generally where I like to be, too.

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  2. I ca definitely relate to this. These days, I find myself longing for the days long gone—how I wish I could turn back time. All I could do now, is to let music embrace me with nostalgic memories. Haaay I wonder what would it be like to go back.

    https://sarahrizaga.blogspot.com/

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    1. Yeah, I know what you mean, Sarah. Are you missing your friends from the past? It's sad sometimes how your life enters a new phase, and everything that you used to do all the time is gone: "poof!"

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    2. I miss the way we were before, the people, and places. And I agree with you, I guess all we can do now is to face life head-on armed with the treasured memories.

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